Aspie with Attitude

Sure, I'm just another Southern Recovering Alcoholic NPR- and Sweet-Tea Addicted Comic Mom with Asperger's in the SFV, but I can tell you now that I don't necessarily fit the stereotype.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

I'm Not Perfect

It's been over a year since I wrote in this blog. Lots of stuff has happened since then. But one thing that hasn't happened is that I haven't checked my comments. So, if you've left a comment in the past couple of years, I may not have seen it until today. So, there are more comments today than there have been.

Having said all that, I admit that I've been judgmental. I seem to have pi$$ed off a lot of adopters and I didn't mean to do that per se. Ideally, I will go through all these posts and delete some--the impetus for this is that I have finally admitted to myself that I have an alcohol problem. It's not that I don't have other problems as well, but the alcohol, well, it's caused me a lot of problems. I'm getting help for this issue, btw, and I am learning that I have been in denial about a lot of things. And I've done stuff that I now realize I shouldn't. Oh, so much is going on--some good, some not so good.

I am also learning that I blamed a lot of people, including my own adoptive parents (who were really wonderful--for those who have trouble wrapping their heads around the fact that I don't like adoption and have told me what a crappy childhood I must have had (I didn't, btw)). I am working on these issues with a therapist and she, fortunately, understands just how much damage that adoption can do. I am thankful that there are therapists out there who get this, who don't try to treat life with an adoptive family as normal, who don't try to poo-poo a child's separation from his or her mother.

And no, I don't think that children should languish in orphanages, but I don't think that taking those children out of orphanages and putting them in a family makes that child a member of that family. Oh, legally, yes, but the child will always, always, always be connected to his or her natural family. Unfortunately, far too many adoptive parents fail to understand this.

A lot of people who adopted are very upset with me, going so far as to lash me with ad hominem attacks, i.e., attacking me instead of my argument. I've been told over and over by angry adopters how very terrible/crazy/mentally unstable/sick I am. Evidently these folks are perfect and I am going to be the first person to admit that I am not. Having said that, I certainly have had a holier-than-thou attitude from time to time and for that, I greatly apologize.

I am very thankful that my children and I are alive and that I can watch them grow up, something that my own natural mother did not do with me. I hope and pray that more natural families will be reunited and that fewer will be separated in the first place. When I hear about a potential adoptive mother (this kind of thing is usually woman-initiated) who is all out of sorts because the natural mother of the child that she was hoping to adopt has changed her mind and is keeping her child, I can't help but wonder why the potential adoptive family is usually so distraught at this news. To me, and maybe I'm misinterpreting here, that adopters care more about their perceived needs than the needs of the child.

I will continue to celebrate natural families and I will continue to honor an adoptee's natural family. I will try hard not to participate in the lies of the adoption industry. If that is mentally ill, etc., well, then that's just the way it is. Having said all that, I love my adoptive parents very much and they are the ones I learned to call "mama" and "daddy" and they will always be that to me. Pretending that they are my natural parents, however, will do no good to anyone.

1 comment:

Mya Wells said...

What a nut!!

After all your rantings about adoption YOU finally see the light! Let's face it, if your "first family is your only family"as you have said before, then why didn't they step to the plate and raise you? And please, don't tell me: "because society's mores and values at that time". Has it ever occurred to you that your "first mother and family" didn't want to deal with the stigma and burden of having a child out of wedlock?