Aspie with Attitude

Sure, I'm just another Southern Recovering Alcoholic NPR- and Sweet-Tea Addicted Comic Mom with Asperger's in the SFV, but I can tell you now that I don't necessarily fit the stereotype.

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Giving Your Baby Away: It's the RIGHT Thing to Do!

When I think about the fools and idiots that the government schools are producing, I can't help but to think about my own parents at 17. My dad seemed to think it was the best thing to give away his firstborn; my mom believed social wreckers, even though she knew in her heart that she did not want to give away her daughter. Both believed the idiotic lie that giving a baby to strangers is the right thing to do. If there's one thing that government schools do an excellent job of, it's teaching people to go against their instincts.

Despite the maternal instincts of my mother, social wreckers took me away and I never saw my mom again until I was 34 years old. In the meantime, my mom and dad and the brother and sister who didn't consciously know about me, suffered very silently. If I complained or even talked about wanting to find my real parents, I was usually told something to the effect of: Well, it's great that you were adopted by such wonderful people! And yes, I'm quite glad that they weren't serial killers or some such. They were, indeed, pretty nice folks. The problem is that they weren't my family. I've developed some really great relationships with the people that I went to school with and grew up with; however, nothing, nothing at all can make up for the loss of the family that God gave me. I don't even try to write this kind of thing for mainstream media anymore; nor do I write letters to producers telling them how terrible it is to glorify adoption. Nor do I hope anymore that some television show will show a mother who lost her child years ago and still grieves for that lost child. But you can bet that these moms are well represented on the Internet. And they are often quite pissed. And not afraid to say it. Showing adoption as anything less than lovely, of course, would hurt the profits of the fabulous adoption industry, a $1.6 billion business and counting.

Therefore, it's okay when the hip MTV shows a couple's strife and crying as they give their firstborn to adopters (from North Carolina, no less) who promise to write and send cards. Of course, the parents are not allowed to know the physical address of their child in North Carolina. And they're already being demeaned to "birthparents," or breeders. Nor are they allowed to be sad for too long, because, never fear--there is grief counseling available! It hardly seems that any tragedy these days can go unattended by a grief counselor, but my question is: Where were these counselors when they could have prevented the tragedy of mother and child separation?!? And part of me really wants to horsewhip some sense into these idiotic new parents and I'd certainly like to horsewhip the idiots in North Carolina who gladly took a baby away from her mother. If the adopters were so very concerned about the welfare of the child, why didn't they provide financial and emotional support to the parents? No, in this case, the adults all acted like children, with everyone believing all the adoption lies; my parents did the same thing, evidence that in the 60s as with now, the government schools are working just as planned: separating families, one child at a time. It's interesting that the man who adopted me came from a family in which most of the women were married and having children by age 16, which used to be more or less the norm. Read John Taylor Gatto and you'll find that one of the jobs of the public education system in the United States is to keep children as children as long as possible, and to turn them into childish adults. In other words, one of the jobs of the government schools is to make our society into a bunch of spoiled adults who act like children. What better way to control a population?

Of course, the real loser in this situation is the little girl, Carly, who'll grow up surrounded by the lies of adoption and with four adults who seem fully to support those lies. She'll be confused and perplexed and be shown pictures of her real family but no answer she'll ever get will satisfy her as to the reason that she isn't with them. The mother, with her leaking breasts that are supposed to be feeding her baby, will go on pretending as long as she can. No matter how many children she and the father have, no child will ever replace the child they lost by adoption and their family will have a huge hole in it, as if someone died and yet, no one has physically died. That the MTV circus makes money off of this tragedy through advertising, and that people will watch it, is further proof that our society may as well bring back the lions den.

Of course, things will get better for the parents, as they negotiate a new season with MTV: Life Without Baby, perhaps? And one wonders where the parents of Catelynn Lowell and Tyler Baltierra are. Why are they so supportive of losing their grandchild? With adoption being glamorized thusly, one wonders how many other pregnant teens are waiting in the proverbial wings, hoping that they will also get a reality show moment if they decided to give away their baby. And how many will google the very unChristian Bethany Christian Services, a very unChristlike organization whose social wreckers separate many families each day, often by lying to and otherwise misleading the mothers, from what I have read and heard from mothers who've been lied to and misled by this agency. This MTV moment is great advertising for everybody involved, but it grossly neglects the only innocent victim here, the baby who is, as I write this, wondering where her mothers breasts are; the baby who will never understand why she was given away; the baby whose psyche has been permanently damaged by parents who achieved their fifteen minutes of fame and adopters who believed themselves to be such good parent material that they took a newborn from her mother. Let's remember that there are also sponsors willing to pay MTV to be a part of this tragedy and there are people willing to watch it without demanding that it stop. All of which lead to the conclusion that the government schools are working exactly as planned. B.F. Skinner and all his behaviorist friends, who believe that children are blank slates and that a child needs not his or her mother but merely an adult of some sort, must be doing some kind of special victory dances in their graves. Or in their ivory tower offices.


maybe said...

Good post. Of course Hollywood and the MSM is filled with adoptive parents so they will always produce the "ain't adoption grand" garbage. Thank goodness for the internet - probably the only place where we can offer an opposing view.

I'm always curious about the grief counseling that adoption agencies provide. What is it exactly? Is the goal of this counseling to convince the mother to get over it and be happy with her so-called decision? And is it ethical for anyone associated with the mental health field to actively promote adoption when they know it will lead to intense grief? It's kind of like an oncologist who sells cigarettes in his office.

Cassi said...

I firmly believe the grief counseling that is offered goes right in line with the counseling a mother is given before giving up her baby.

Keep the first mom happy with her situation. Don't allow her to hurt for too long. Remind her why she "chose" to give up her baby and praise her for her ultimate sacrifice.

It's meant, I believe to keep her in the fog for as long as they possibly can because she knows if she's allowed to actually face the truth she'll realize exactly what they did to her and know that htey took her baby and left her with a lifetime of grief.

Something the industry doesn't want any of us to believe.

Great post. I can't even watch the show as it tears me apart.

It seems to me it's getting worse with the "happy, happy" image that is thrown around now so much. Everwhere you look adoption is shown as the wonderful option and moms are encouraged to give up their children to someone, "better" all the time.

And the saddest thing is we are very quickly and very cruely degrading infants more and more to nothing but merchandise to be sold and traded. And accepting and encouraging it!!!!

Roxann said...

Did you truly see the family that both of these kids came from?! I feel they truly did the best for there child. I came from a broken, low class family the same as there's. There is a lot of things that go unseen in these types of homes. Like drugs being exposed to your children with out you consciously aware of it, abuse fiscal and sexual. I was taking from my mother at the age of 11yrs old and it was one of the best things that has happen to me. My mother couldn't provide for me, but didn't have the heart to give me to someone who could. I praise these kids for having that heart.

I do be believe in natural families, but also feel that some people aren't meant to be parents.

Erykah said...

mtv's show teen mom all of it is complete and utter garbage. what i found interesting is how the grandparents of the baby wanted them to keep it, but the teens were so seduced by the hype they really believed that giving it away was about how much they could give their child. standing back a little, they totally sold themselves and their child out. one day when they are older i think they are going to seriously regret it. movies like juno and shows like these are the sign of the times. down with natural family, up with sleeping around and hey give ur kid away. think of how marvellous a person u are. what a crock!!

Anath said...

How would your life have been better if you had remained with your natural parents?

Thinking Mama said...

There's no way to know if it would have been better; that's the thing about adoption--you can't live those two lives; you only know what did happen, not what could have. I have heard a lot of moms who gave away their baby find their child as an adult, and say that he or she was abused by adopters and so, those moms feel as though they would have done a better job. And in many cases, that's probably true; however, it's impossible to know.

I'm not comparing what could have been with what was, as in Oh, I would have had such a better life with my real parents because there's no way, really, to know. However, I would have grown up in the family that nature intended. Fortunately, the family that I grew up in was good, but it wasn't my family.

Anath said...

Many children are abused by their natural parents as well; some end up dead by their own parents' hands. Of course, this is hardly the norm, but I'm sure we can all think of some highly publicized cases in which this happened.

I suspect you're not a big fan of DSS (or whatever your local acronym might be), but what would you suggest for those children who are not safe with their own families?

Anath said...

In fact, there's a comment right here on this thread from someone who was pleased to be taken from her natural family.

I think we probably agree that mothers shouldn't be coerced into placing their babies for adoption, regardless of the mother's age, as long as the baby will have a loving, non-abusive home. But it seems that the only type of adoption you're discussing is that of an infant who is forcibly removed from its parents' custody.

I know in this state, DSS generally tries to keep families together; if there's some reason the parents cannot parent, they try to do family fostering and/or adoption, and only as a last resort are children available for non-family adoption.

Does your state have a volunteer case review program for foster children? Ours does...I've not participated, but that would probably be a good way for you to help make sure families can stay together.

小湘 said...

Never put off till tomorrow what may be done today..........................

Robin said...

When I first suggested that I might benefit from counseling that addressed the loss of my two oldest children to adoption, I was asked to participate in a role-playing exercise. Little did I realize that they were wanting me to re-create the surrender scenario as a way to allow me to "accept" my loss. I was a basket case for a week after that experience and I never went back.

Post-adoption loss "counseling" is a joke, especially if the counselors are SW's or involved with an agency.

I saw that counselor in Target a few years later, after I had reunited and I told her that my children and I had found each other. "Well then," she said, "everything is fine, now, isn't it?" Whenever I hear the term, 'clueless,' I think of her.

People in this society are so d*** brainwashed. Oh, and her counseling specialty? She was a counselor for the Rader Institute which treated eating disorders.

kellybean30 said...

My first response to your blog is that you are a very angry woman. It may have been the case that your "real" mother was forced to place you for adoption, but that isn't true in every situation. I come from a totally different perspective in that I am waiting to adopt a child. We are going through an agency that has reiterated over and over to us that we are not their client, the child is their client, then the birthmother and then us. We plan on an open adoption and the mom will be able to pick us.
My husband and I tried for 4 years to conceive. Are you telling me that Nature intended my husband and I to not ever have children?
Meanwhile, my husband tells me stories of his childhood and how he wished he was adopted.
My husband was born to teenage parents that decided to "parent" and I use that term loosely. He was beaten as a child,hit with anything within reach, locked in a closet with duct tape on his mouth, left at home to care for his 5 younger siblings at the tender age of 8, while his mother and stepfather were out doing drugs. And you have the nerve to say that nature intended that!
Some how I don't believe you when you say that you grew up in a good family, if that was the case, then why the anger? It seems as though you don't want a solution to the many issues that come with adoption, but to just be a critic.

I will never understand things from your perspective, but know that you will never understand it from mine either.

Have a little faith in others, not everyone is out to get you. The sooner you realize that, the happier you will be.

Cassi said...

kellybean30 - it is hopeful adoptive parents like you that I find myself worrying about being given a chance to adopt any child.

How dare you, as one who carries on so "greatly" about your desire to adopt, disregard and find excuses for what another adoptee has to say.

There are so many adoptive parents out there that I not only like but have a great respect for. And one of the main reasons for that is they would NEVER EVER discount or discredit an adoptee in the way you have.

Keep convincing yourself that it's all going to be "different" in your world. That you will be the one to save some poor, abused child from whatever horror you are sure their own mother would put them through while you are so much better, in your limited views and judgement, and would give them the life YOU want - not the life they need - to show how greatly you have been abused and cheated for not being able to have children of your own.

And, I tell you what, since you are judging us First Mom's too because your husband "wishes" he was adopted because his mom was so terrible to him, I will return the same courtesy to you since my son was terribly abused and neglected by his adoptive parents. He was forced to go out and choose the tree branch he was beaten with,was left, in the middle of an asthma attack, without his inhaler he desperately needed to keep him alive and attacked with a taser gun when he was only fifteen years old.

I don't use my son's terror as an excuse to judge all adoptive parents but since you have so coldly come here and judged an adoptee who is speaking up for what she believes and shoving First Mom's into that niche that makes you feel better about yourself and your need to adopt so that YOU can benefit - not the child, I have NO PROBLEM judging you by what happened to my son at the hands of his adoptive mother and seeing YOU as the same terrible person you have judged others here to be.

Be careful of the stones you throw cause one might come back and hit you square in the ass!

Christina said...

To Anath, in response to:
"How would your life have been better if you had remained with your natural parents?"

The answer is in your question.

As an adult adoptee in reunion, I can honestly say that after meeting my natural family, I would have NEVER been abused, would have never been told that they wanted to send me back...would have been loved.

But regardless of whether I had grown up in a "happy dappy" home..I still would have been better off with my natural family.