Aspie with Attitude

Sure, I'm just another Southern Recovering Alcoholic NPR- and Sweet-Tea Addicted Comic Mom with Asperger's in the SFV, but I can tell you now that I don't necessarily fit the stereotype.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Okay, So Where's the Contest for Best Pissed-Off Adoptee Blog?!?

I've really seen it all now. Adopters praising themselves and each other for gorgeously-written blogs that sing the praise of adoption. I'm not sure who's behind this contest and I'm not sure that I want to find out. But it does scare me that so many well-educated and well-written adopters are throwing around their weight on the Internet. Although they have every right to do so, and I totally support their freedom to do so, it really bothers me that there's no "Best Pissed-Off Adoptee Blog" contest or some such. Surely, I'd be a finalist in that contest.

Probably the biggest qualm I have with this contest, and with the bloggers who populate it, is that these bloggers have the gall, of course, to call themselves "parents" of the children they've adopted. Having said that, at least one of these bloggers recognizes her adoptee's real mom as the child's "first mother." There's something good to be said for that. Still, it really bothers me that so many white middle-class women (and make no mistake--most of the people who take other people's children and pretend those children are theirs are white and middle or upper-middle class) are feeling okay with pretending to be parents of other people's children. I guess these white women somehow feel they are contributing to society by taking the children of others, especially if those children look so different from them that people know the adults are adopters. Adoption has such a wonderful propaganda campaign going on these days that adopters are looked upon as wonderful and loving self-sacrificers, even as they call themselves the moms and dads of children that someone else bore.

Please let me say here that my own adopters were good folks and I still miss them, even though they have been dead for a few years. I am extremely thankful to have grown up in the community that I did, where people are basically honest and loving and everybody cares, but not in an Obama-Clinton-it-takes-a-village-of-government kind of way. So, in that sense, things have really worked out well for me. Things could have been a lot worse and I have heard many horror stories from adoptees. Most adopters who read my writing are just sure that I must have been beaten every day by my adopters in order to hate adoption as much as I do. There are people who've made rape into a positive experience as well, but this doesn't mean that those people desire for others to be raped. Separting a child from its mother and giving it to strangers is a horrid thing, for mother and child. Desiring for another mother to lose her child to adoption is bizarre indeed, but many white middle-class adopters-to-be are betting on it.

The blogs in the "Best Adoption Blog" contest perpetuate the myth that overall, no matter how difficult adoption can be, it's okay to take a stranger's child and call it your own. And no, no matter how wonderful my childhood was, this kind of myth is not okay to perpetuate.

Many thanks to fellow adoptee Marley Greiner for passing along this link!

No comments: