Aspie with Attitude

Sure, I'm just another Southern Recovering Alcoholic NPR- and Sweet-Tea Addicted Comic Mom with Asperger's in the SFV, but I can tell you now that I don't necessarily fit the stereotype.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

Adoption Myths Prevail

When I was pregnant with Micah, the wonderful doctor who did my amnio, Drew Carlson, mentioned during the amnio that she had found, earlier that week, a baby with the genitalia of one sex and the chromosomes of another. She was a fabulous doctor (she died before Jadon was born, from breast cancer, at only 47) and she dealt with a lot of high-risk pregnancies (fortunately, mine was not high-risk). Therefore, you'd think she would have seen it all. Nonetheless, she seemed quite concerned and almost sad about what she'd found with that baby. She wasn't the kind of person to be shaken by things, but she did seem a bit shaken by her finding.

This morning, I came across this story about a woman who has the chromosomes of a man, with a condition known as Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome (AIS). This syndrome can come from the mother or occur spontaneously. Although it is rare, it does indeed occur and although it must be very difficult for the doctors to deal with, I imagine that it's especially difficult for the parents. Eden, the woman in the ABC News story, was told that she had "twisted ovaries," although the reality is that she had testes inside her body. Of course, this rendered her infertile. How very sad it is that she was lied to and even sadder is the fact that she cannot have her own children. I find it interesting, however, that the adoption industry has once again jumped to the rescue and Eden, unfortunately, has taken someone else's child and is pretending that it's her own. A "new generation of girls with AIS" seem to take pains not to lie about their condition, but their moms seem to be lying to themselves and the children about the devastation of infertility. Instead of helping her child to come to terms with the fact that she cannot have her own child, Jen Cole tells her daughter a lie:

"I just told her that she was special," Cole said, "and had to adopt other people's babies that don't have mommies and daddies."

It's so very basic to say that EVERY child has a mommy and daddy. EVERY child. Even Eden's adoptee has a mom and dad, despite the fact that it is truly sad and tragic that Eden cannot have her own child. I'll say this basic truth once again: Every child has a mom and dad. That's how we get here. And yet, in her zest to make herself and her daughter feel better, Cole has taken this basic fact--that every child has a mother and father--and made it seem as though some of us end up in the cabbage patch, popped up spontaneously amongst the vegetables. We don't. We ALL have a mommy and daddy, although some of us do not grow up with our natural parents. It bothers me that adoption is seen as the cure for infertility once again, in this case for a whole "new generation" of young women with AIS. Perfectly fertile women in their 20s yearn to adopt these days. That's how successful the $1.6 billion adoption industry has been with their propaganda.

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