Aspie with Attitude

Sure, I'm just another Southern Recovering Alcoholic NPR- and Sweet-Tea Addicted Comic Mom with Asperger's in the SFV, but I can tell you now that I don't necessarily fit the stereotype.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Helping the Non-Adopted to Get It

One thing I discovered when I found my mom and dad, and when I began to delve into the $1.4 billion U.S. adoption industry, was that some of the most bitter comments came from other adoptees and mothers who'd lost a child to adoption. Having said that, there are some moms who understand that they were victims of this industry and there are some adoptees who also understand. I've even heard from some adopters and potential adopters who, instead of berating me, began to see adoption in a different light than they previously had. By far, the most open-minded are those who have not been through the adoption mill and had their natural family broken up by adoption. My friend Elizabeth is one of these people and I so appreciate her truly open mind regarding adoption. She sent me this article; if you're at all interested in adoption, I suggest that you view it. Here's what I wrote the author of the article (my comments were abbreviated on the site itself):

Dear Roberta,

I'd suggest that one way is to stop calling natural parents by the derogatory term "birth parent." I have one mom and dad and always have. It's too bad that the state of Virginia told my Wilmington, N.C.-born-and-bred natural mother that "it's as if you never had a baby" when she asked for the copy of my true birth certificate, the one that she signed. I can only legally receive my falsified copy, although I know who my real mom and dad are. It might also help if the $1.4 billion U.S. adoption industry would stop marketing adoption as a way to cure all problems, whether of adopters or of parents who may not yet feel ready to be parents but who are,
nonetheless, going to be. I'd enjoy it, for instance, if the general public realized that over 40 potential adopters were waiting for each adoptable child. The adoption industry has marketed itself so well that most people are sure that the supply of children is much higher than the demand for them, even though the opposite is true. It would be nice if the natural family were not booted out of their child's life when the adopters see fit to take over, as so often happens. And of course, it would be nice if the government saw fit not to falsify our birth certificates in the first place.

The problem, Roberta, is one that so many adoptees proliferate: that of saying how wonderful adoption is. I have a wonderful life and had a pretty good childhood. The people who adopted me were pleasant and well-meaning. But that doesn't negate the horrid pain of separation that I experienced as an infant, when social workers took me away from my mother. My pain, and the pain of many adoptees, is never shown on the happy adoption stories that mainstream media present. In fact, I have experienced, especially in the past few years, a real campaign by mainstream media to shut me and other honest adoptees up, to silence the horrid realities of adoption.

Until people stop thinking that separating a mother and child via adoption is a wonderful thing, people will continue to accept things such as falsifying birth certificates. I suggest that your efforts to "reform" the adoption industry be focused on stopping mother and child separation in the first place. Then, the birth certificate issue would take care of itself.

Tricia Shore,
Reunited Adoptee and Natural Mother
Los Angeles, California

Roberta, like so many adoptees, seeks not to end the pain of adoption, but to make it somehow seem better by seeming to make adoptees have a bit more say in the process. It didn't surprise me one bit that she, like many people who are affected by adoption but refuse to think that adoption is anything but wonderful, called me "bitter." She also, if I'm reading her letter correctly, fails to note that my childhood was pretty happy, despite being separated from my natural family. The fact that I had a happy childhood, however, did not diminish my desire to find my parents. Nonetheless, I think that Roberta proves exactly what I was talking about in my letter to her regarding adoptees: Unfortunately, she and many adoptees have chosen to believe the adoption industry's rhetoric and she seems to refuse to examine any other side of things.

Again, I'm sorry for any pain that I caused by copying and pasting and publicizing any e-mail or links to anybody's Web site. We had just returned, within hours, from a trip across the country and I was in a hurry.

Note: I am happy to say that this blog entry seems to have received a lot of views and I've gotten some nice comments from people, including an adoptee who gets it. I absolutely love it when people begin to understand what's going on! And that's what it's all about, isn't it? I also checked out Roberta's Web site and it seems to be filled with those who want to believe the adoption is wonderful fantasy. Roberta did ask that I remove her e-mail from my blog, which I am happy to do. Although people have done a lot of quoting from me, I always try to oblige when people want me to remove something that I've written about them from my blog. I'm guessing that my blog has sent her some traffic, but then again, I'm guessing that she doesn't want that publicity either. So, if you want to find her Web site, you'll have to do it from the link that's posted earlier in this blog entry; to my knowledge, posting a link to someone's article is not a sin of any sort. As always, I mean no harm to anyone with my writing.

To answer my friend Elizabeth: Yes, the government falsifies birth certificates and seals the original ones. Occasionally, a state government will throw adoptees a small bone and give limited access to the original, truthful, unamended birth certificate. Funny how when the non-adoption affected understand what's going on, they also see how horrible adoption, in its present form, really is.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

George Carlin: Libertarian?

Who didn't love George Carlin? The government, perhaps. Although there are some of his sets that I disagree with (his sets that include his atheist views, for instance), I greatly admire Carlin as a comic. But I've not quite ever looked at him as Butler Shaffer did:

I enjoy reading Butler Shaffer because I learn a lot from his thinking. I can say a similar thing about Carlin: Love him or not, we can certainly learn from his thinking.