Aspie with Attitude

Sure, I'm just another Southern Recovering Alcoholic NPR- and Sweet-Tea Addicted Comic Mom with Asperger's in the SFV, but I can tell you now that I don't necessarily fit the stereotype.

Monday, November 24, 2008

A Birthday Blessing

November is a month of birthdays here at the Gingerbread House. What a pleasant surprise that I received while celebrating one of them today. One of the guests, with whom I used to be in a homeschool group, said that I've "ruined" her zest for adoption. She can no longer be happy when a friend of hers decides to take someone else's child and call it her own. In other words, I'm succeeding in speaking the truth. This one person, a mom of three, can never quite accept the brainwashing of the adoption industry, a $1.6 billion business.

She also mentioned that a friend of hers, who lost a child to adoption about 12 years ago, still mourns for her lost child. "It seems worse than death," said my friend. Perhaps it is, according to the moms who've lost a child to adoption. I'm thankful that I cannot state an understanding of either loss and I hope that I never will experience either. Having said that, I can see how the loss of a child who's out there, somewhere, might be much more difficult than knowing that a child is dead, horrible as that last scenario would be. With death of a child, there is closure; people mourn and are sensitive to a mother's mourning. With adoption, people congratulate the mother for "doing the right thing" by giving her child to someone else. The stress of having a personal mourning that no one else shares, and, in fact, having people tell you that you should be grateful for your loss, seems like an especially cruel thing indeed. I mean no offense to anyone who's lost a child, either by death or by adoption. Having said all of this, I know certainly that I'd rather my child be alive than dead, even if adopted out. I'm not even saying that I agree that adoption is worse than death; again, I don't want to experience either event. I am merely saying here that I understand how adoption, in today's climate of selling children, can be its own special hell that is very close to death of a child. In fact, a child does somewhat die to its natural family in adoption; years later, if a child is resurrected through reunion, things will never be the same as if the child had been left with the family.

I am thankful for my friend's new understanding of the adoption industry. That's how we change the world regarding adoption; one friend at a time.

2 comments:

Kippa said...

While both kinds of loss are grievous, I find the comparison between death and adoption really offensive.
The finality of death (aka 'closure' in psycho-babble) is not to be compared with the sense of ambiguous loss felt in adoption.
Comparing one to the other diminishes both.

Thinking Mama said...

Perhaps you are right. I appreciate what you have to say.