Aspie with Attitude

Sure, I'm just another Southern Recovering Alcoholic NPR- and Sweet-Tea Addicted Comic Mom with Asperger's in the SFV, but I can tell you now that I don't necessarily fit the stereotype.

Friday, October 3, 2008

More Adoption Lies

It shouldn't surprise me that the News and Disturber has run a story that's so very pro-adoption and pro-adopters, calling the adopters, of course, "parents" and not mentioning the inherent damage that adoption itself and separation from his natural family may have caused this young man who died such a tragic death. Instead of reporting truth, the story itself was filled with instances of how his "parents" were trying to provide "nurturing." Only a few paragraphs into the story did I learn that the "parents" to which the author was referring were not parents of Josh, the young man who was killed; rather, they were adopters. Would it have been too honest to report "Adopters tried to provide nurturing"? What about mentioning Josh's natural parents? Was any attempt made to contact them concerning his death? As usual, in adoption-related stories, the lies and harms of adoption were merely swept under the proverbial rug, as if everything was hunky dory and Josh was lucky to have been severed from his natural family and placed with people who pretended to be his parents. Now, for those who are wondering, I do not say that Josh would have been better off with his natural family; perhaps his adopters were much better for him. It is indeed impossible in such adoption scenes to figure out what would have happened and although I have met and corresponded with many mothers who lost a child to adoption and later found that the child was abused in his or her adoptive home, each case is different. But why lie? Did it do me any good to grow up calling my own adopters "parents" and pretending that they were indeed related to me? If adoption is such a wonderful thing, why lie about it? There's nothing wrong with taking in a child who is truly needy, especially if all attempts to keep that child in his or her natural or extended family have been exhausted. But why lie and pretend that the people who adopt can be made parents by legal documents?

The truth is that adoption separates and tears apart thousands of families each year. The harm inherent in the process itself is rarely discussed in mainstream media these days. In addition, the natural parents are usually forgotten or described as abusive and neglectful. We rarely, if ever, hear from a child's natural family when adoption has occurred. One wonders in this case if Josh's natural family even knew about his death.

What a shame that this young and troubled man died, but what else can we expect from a system that rips children from parents and pretends those parents never existed?

1 comment:

Cassi said...

Thank you for your open, honest words here.

You did so well at saying so much! I hope others will read this and learn something.