Aspie with Attitude

Sure, I'm just another Southern Recovering Alcoholic NPR- and Sweet-Tea Addicted Comic Mom with Asperger's in the SFV, but I can tell you now that I don't necessarily fit the stereotype.

Friday, August 29, 2008

What I'd Like To Do With Sarah Palin

First, let me get this off my chest, so to speak. I think that Sarah Palin is totally hot. And not just because she's in Wikipedia, although a good Wikipedia mention to someone that I'm attracted to never hurts. She is an MILF for sure! She has five children and a husband and I'm sure that she thinks she's straight. I could see myself with a couple of drinks (after which, as I've mentioned previously, I become straight myself). I would take her in my arms and kiss her and get her to be a Ron Paul supporter, all in one night! I've already read that she admires Ron Paul; getting her to give up this silly VP idea may be easy. Back to the cabin, though, we'd be, I think, just two totally straight women kissing and trying to rub the snow off each other's nose. Really. In a cabin. Surely there's a Governor's Cabin somewhere in Alaska that she and I could take the children to. Then, after all eight together (her five and my three) are in bed, well . . . there is all that snow to rub off.

Well, except that she's sold out to the Neocons. Bitch! Don't they all? Damnit. It's not just that she's straight (or so it seems--has she actually said it?), it's that she can stomach being in the room with John McCain! And why didn't McCain think about doing a bit of talking to Ron Paul about the Vice Presidency? Could it be that my opportunity to be with Sarah in the Alaska's governor's cabin was lost when McCain picked her to be his VP? No doubt, she is loads better looking than Joe Biden; so, I'd certainly want her face all over the L.A. Times for the next four years. But still . . .

At the very least, she'll get a book deal. Those of you who've been reading my blog know how upset I am about all these undeserving people getting a book deal, such as John Edwards' mistress (but not, of course, the mother of his child, at least that what his p.r. people are saying) and the woman who got herself arrested in Raleigh. But Lord, Lord, I get rejected for a book deal and comedy show by the f'in' LaLeche League because of my blogs and articles. So, would I, hot as Sarah Palin is, be able to rub off snow successfully with her if she got a book deal and I didn't?!? On the other hand, if she gets a book deal and I can do the cabin thing with her, then, why, I can write a book. I can have a book deal about having an affair with Sarah Palin! I LOVE it! Sarah Palin, I have officially invited myself to your Alaska governor cabin, baby!

Um, Sarah, if you're reading, I must mention that for many reasons, not the least of which is that you'll have little time for us to do the Alaska governor thing if you become VP (and you might even lose the governor's cabin) , I don't want you to become VP of these United States. Why? Alaska's pretty dark and cold in the winter; so, you've got a cushy job. Why leave it? What does the Alaska governor do anyway, other than say no to the feds when they want to drill? Also, you've got five children to homeschool. You are conservative, aren't you? Then, get your behunkas off the campaign circuit and take care of them youngin's, one of which is an infant, as I recall. I'm not saying women shouldn't work, but I am wondering if you'll hire a nanny and do all the crappy Washington stuff that VPs have to do, if you become vice president; and remember, you can easily be a president with McCain as old as he is, if he gets "elected." Good Lord, Sarah, I about went crazy trying to edit a proposal for NASA today and do something with my children instead of sitting them in front of the television for a few hours. How the hell do you do the governor thing and take care of those children? Or is it more boring to be a governor of Alaska than a proposal editor, as I imagine may be the case? Anyway, I saw a picture of you signing a bill with your baby in the sling. As a mom who took my third son with me on stage in a sling when he was an infant, I totally admire that.

But you'll get a book deal, even just from this VP nomination thing. And you know what? That will make me want to do the cabin thing even more with you. Except maybe we'll do it in Charlottesville. In fact, wouldn't it be great if you were in Washington and I was in North Carolina? But then, there's the whole pot thing. If you're into pot, we'd be able to do that kind of thing better on the West Coast. A friend of mine who's about our age, Sarah, (and I really hope that you're reading right now, or else, I'll feel awfully foolish because I've started writing as if to you, Sarah) this friend was telling me that because pot was legal in Alaska, the people that she used to babysit for while she was in high school--those folks grew pot! So, surely, Sarah, you have had at least a bit of experience with pot when you were in high school. You're probably cool with what nature gives us, even though you hang with the Neocons these days.

And I read that you led your basketball team (oh, how absolutely butch of you!--I'm diggin' it!) in prayer and that you got up at 3 a.m. to hunt moose with your father (a daddy's girl--again, I'm diggin' it. And I'm wondering if you've never been attracted to women. I've rarely known a girl who hunted moose with her father who didn't have some lesbian tendencies, but maybe that's just me.). You are some kind of woman. You deserve to do more with your life than be a VP. But I know, there is that book deal thing.

Anyway, I'm cool with the book deal thing, Sarah. I really am. Even if you get VP. I'll meet you at a cabin here on the West Coast, or in Charlottesville, VA (surely Clinton had the feds to pay for some kind of weekend hideaway in Charlottesville while he was in office--you can check on that for us). It snows in Charlottesville. And I'm from Raleigh. So, we can find a way to rub snow off each other's noses, whether on the East or West Coast.

another thinking mama

By the way, for everyone (and Sarah), take a look at my latest video, Sperm in a Sock. You can also see it at You Tube.

1 comment:

Jim Wetzel said...

I've heard that if the 'Pubbies win, Mrs. Palin will be an historic figure: America's first VPILF! And then she'll be only a single heartbeat away from becoming our first PILF. And just think ... that single heartbeat will be that of a rather old man with some medical problems. Hmmmmmm.

Meanwhile, just look here to find out what Sen. McCain would like to do with Sarah.