Hi, Welcome to the Land of the Free and the Politically Incorrect

Welcome to my thinking mama blog, in which I talk about adoption, natural families, freedom, and other stuff that's important. I'm a writer, comic, speaker, and tired mom.

Friday, November 27, 2009

One of the Many Reasons that I Despise Government Schools, Even the Good Ones

Let's be clear on nomenclature here: the "public schools" are no more for the common good of the community than adoption is good for natural families. And since they have been bought by the ridiculous "No Child Left Behind" act, a federal cap and trade scheme that basically places ALL public schools, including those fancy schmancy charter schools that are all the rage, in the hands of the Emperor du Jour, in this case, Savior Obama, the public schools have indeed become government schools, more specifically, federal government schools. Of course, that makes me some kind of racist, homophobic, fundamentalist that the government will soon place on its terrorist list. Yes, right close to "is white and Christian" as a terrorist identifier, is "uses the term government schools" on the "New Trends in Terrorism" list, which will become an essay, which will become a book, which will inform the Feds who's not walking the politically correct chalkline for the common good of all subjects in Savior Obama's empire.

Speaking of empires, I hope to read Lord of the Flies to the boys in some relatively soon trip to the East Coast, but in the meantime, this classic book is being played out in schools across Amerika, even in Deerfield Beach, Florida. Now, Mr. Thinking Mama/Comic Mom is from Florida and you can certainly say that he is lucky to have escaped Miami relatively torture-free. However, I think that wonderful occurrence was due more to the timing of his departure, i.e., the 80s, than to the supposedly wonderful government school that he attended. Mr. Thinking Mama told me once, and I have written about it, that his first grade teacher made the class laugh at a little girl who'd peed in her pants. As the mom of a first grader, I can tell you that toilet training is certainly iffy at that age, even if things have seemed very normal and grown up for a while. More than one kindergartener/first grader in my children's dance classes has peed in pants, a relatively normal event for the child who's just learning to control the bladder and do other more fun things than go to the bathroom. It's not anything to be laughed at. And yet, Mr. Thinking Mama's teacher encouraged laughter at this particular little girl. She even required it, something Mr. Thinking Mama, and probably most of his then-classmates, has had to live with for many years. Yet, what becomes of children when they are forced to laugh at a child who makes the very childlike move of peeing in his or her pants? What becomes of that entire class? Of classes all over the country in which that has happened? Fortunately, Mr. Thinking Mama has had relatively strong moral guidance and the event did not cause him to become a criminal of any sort. Then again, his mom stayed home with him and he and his brother were expected to act, well, as young gentlemen. Things are bad enough for public school children who have good moral guidance at home. What happened to the children in Mr. Thinking Mama's class who weren't as fortunate in the moral guidance department? What happened to the children whose parents were divorcing during their child's first grade year? Did this incident become enmeshed and entangled with lots of negative energy and difficult emotions? What about the children whose families did not, for whatever reason, provide such guidance? Who knows?

Nonetheless, some of Mr. Thinking Mama's then-classmates have spawned children of the current school-age generation, i.e., the generation that grew up unable to bring a gun to school, but living in the shadows of Columbine and other destructive scenes in which morally decrepit youth shot and killed classmates with relative ease. Extremely disturbing is the latest Lord of the Flies trend, no doubt brought on by a generation of bored teenagers who have little guidance in the morals department, brought up by parents who may be too busy fighting over custody to figure out what's going on with their child. Thus, there should be little surprise when these bored youths who are barred by state law from working without a permit have too much time on their proverbial hands and a mess of tangled emotions sans morals developed mostly in the prison-like structure of the government schools do something as idiotic and morally disgusting as set fire to one of their classmates. Here's the story.

It's a bad one: Six weeks ago, 15-year-old Michael Brewer was "doused with rubbing alcohol" and "set ablaze." He's receiving the regular Oprah-watcher treatment by the media, with his heroic efforts praised, as they should indeed be. But should a middle schooler have to pay this kind of punishment for merely trying to survive the government's mandate of staying behind the chain-linked fence all day? There is scant mention of his killer in the article:
Three teens who attended Deerfield Beach Middle School with Michael Brewer have been charged with attempted murder in the attack outside an apartment complex. Police say the boys doused Michael with rubbing alcohol and set him on fire. Two other teens were arrested and released after prosecutors decided not to charge them.

Keep in mind here that all this occurred under the rubric of those fabulous middle schools that the government has been opening for a few decades now, under the guise of providing students of a certain age with a wonderful atmosphere in which they'll be able to grow and learn and make lifelong friends. Doesn't it sound just peachy?!? I'm sure that the middle school these boys came from is full of puzzled parents who just can't quite understand why their wonderful school was the backdrop for this horrendous event that Michael will have to live with for the rest of his life. And as with the recent rape that occurred in a government school setting, which had many onlookers and no one to actually help anyone, even by simply calling 9-1-1 on their iPod cell phones or whatever, this event seemed also to have onlookers. Could it be that the parents of these onlookers have allowed their children's teachers, under the guise of educating them, to somehow teach, as Mr. Thinking Mama's teacher did, that it is okay to kill people, or at least to set them on fire? Are government school students learning that experimenting with people's lives and their physical bodies is simply peachy? Surely, all this immorality can't be learned merely from television. I'd say the morally decrepit people who changed Michael's life and the life of his family forever will probably not suffer nearly as much as Michael will every time he looks in the mirror, for the rest of his life. Michael's parents seem to be reacting much better than I probably would in the situation and they certainly have a difficult road to travel, thanks to the school that they were told would help their son, would educate him, would give him a better life, all for free, of course. Ah, more government lies, indeed! For Michael, and the countless other victims that government schools create, to be bullied and burned and whatever by the bullies-sans-morals that the government schools churn out, the lies are no longer theoretical; for him and for the many other victims of government schools, the lies are showing themselves and many of us are beginning to see that yes, even in good public schools, bad things happen. In fact, any time that you turn your child over to the government all day, you can expect that your child, if he or she has any sensitivity at all, will receive a bit of training that will aim to desensitize him or her. Unfortunately, this training came at quite a cost to Michael and his family. Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Cute Panda Bears and the Chinese Government That's Saving Them

Sure, I've been busy lately, or maybe it's just that there's so much to write about. Emperor O. has said that we can have pot stores in California, for instance, and sure enough, the L.A. City Czars are trying to regulate the hell out of neighborhood pot stores and make sure that they make no money. I want to write more about this regulation weirdness regarding a natural herb that God gave us, but it's late and I need to go to bed and frankly, I'm afraid the subject of this entry will be eaten if I don't write about it soon. Yes, it's cereal!

Before I go on, please allow me to explain how cereal is handled here at the Gingerbread House. We buy three boxes of cereal per month. Granted, cereal is one of the greatest time savers ever, but nobody's ever convinced me that it's nutrituous. Not that I particularly cared about nutrition when I was scarfing down the yummy King Vitamin as a child. Nor did I care much when, in my first semester at North Carolina State, I had a cafeteria card and ate enough Captain Crunch to last many lifetimes. Gosh, was it ever good! And yet, when it comes to nutrition for my babies, I'm all about trying not to eat as much out of a box. Therefore, we've had yummy crock pot meals for breakfast and sometimes, we make skillet fried potatoes. Cereal is indeed a special treat and each boy gets to choose one cereal box per month.

When it came time recently for the November cereal--and I'm happy to say that with three birthdays in the Gingerbread House during this month (including mine!), that cereal was not even thought much about until mid-month--the boys were at Whole Foods. Therefore, we obtained cereal masked in politically correct boxes, which brings me to this entry, which you may have thought I'd forgotten:

The Envirokidz cereal box is clearly intended to make children think of the globalists' politically correct view of the world, i.e., that many animals are much more valuable than humans. Especially when those animals are cute giant pandas or some such. Now please don't misunderstand me: On my first trip to the National Zoo in Washington, D.C., on a Close-Up trip when I was in high school, I absolutely fell in love with the pandas there, although I don't know if they are technically "giant" pandas or not. Who can argue with the cuteness of a panda bear? Not I!

Reading the back of the cereal box (and what child of the 70s doesn't absolutely love to do that--why, I remember when there were actual records of songs by the Archies on cereal boxes!), I found this text, written, evidently, by a giant panda himself:

If you take a look at the map under my picture, you can see life has sure changed for us giant pandas. We used to have lots of area to live and eat in, but our neighborhood is getting pretty small. Luckily, the Chinese government and groups like Wildlife Trust and their partners are helping us by setting up places called Nature Preserves, where we can live safely; and Bamboo Corridors, so we can move around when we need to find more bamboo to eat. Some days I spend 14 hours eating--I need about 40lbs (sic) of bamboo every day! That's a lot of salad!

No doubt, this particular panda has better grammar than many of my former students at NCSU. He (I'm guessing the panda's gender from the picture and the text, but I might be wrong!) is certainly a good writer; maybe he should help me edit some NIH proposals. Nonetheless, Giant Panda Boy (GPB) said something that really bothered me: "Luckily, the Chinese government . . . " Now, I'm not saying that GPB or any of his giant panda friends have ever really bothered to go outside the U.S. and taste the relative freedom, say, of the National Zoo (and I'm not talking about Congress or the White House, in this particular instance, although I would also describe those institutions as zoos) in D.C., but really, praising the Chinese government?!? This is the same government that kills human babies and kidnaps them, all in the name of population control, of course, so that the survivors can be sold to adopters in the West. To praise the Chinese government for anything seems bizarre. But then again, GPB doesn't really know much about things outside China.

However, I can't help but think that Whole Foods does. Perhaps some witty writer at Whole Foods can explain to GPB that the Chinese government is horrid and has been, well, less than nice to children for years. From what I've read about the Chinese government, they're known more for killing people than for saving panda bears. Perhaps a Chinese government employee helped GPB to write his speech. I know that kidnapping and killing (or forcing the parents to kill) children is not nearly as sexy and attractive as GPB, but for my money, it's certainly important to tell that part of the story about China, especially when the cereal is marketed to children. It's a good thing that Peanut Butter Panda Puffs are so tasty. Otherwise, it'd be easy to get all caught up in thinking that the Chinese government is fabulous for saving GPB and his giant and extremely cute bamboo-eating friends.

In case the Federal Trade Commission is monitoring this blog, as they are wont to do these days, please note that I am disclosing in my somewhat review of this product, that I did not receive Envirokidz Organic Peanut Butter Panda Puffs for free. Gosh, I sure hope I have the receipt!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Swine Flu Fever

Here at the Gingerbread House, we're doing what everyone should do to protect ourselves from any communicable disease: washing our hands, eating vegetables and protein, avoiding a lot of sugar, et al. However, we are avoiding the swine flu vaccine as if it were the plague. Evidently, not everyone feels this way, which is what the pharmaceutical industry is depending on to make those huge profits. After Emperor O. made the ridiculous statement the other day that his own children are not receiving the toxicity called the swine flu vaccine because they are in not in a high-risk group, this interesting article told us that some people who are not in high-risk groups are indeed as desperate to become inoculated with whatever it is that GlaxoSmithKline, et al. wants us to have in our bodies.

For the record, long before I had children, I was married to a man who worked for Burroughs-Wellcome--yes, they're the AIDS drug people that the many gay and gay-friendly types picketed because they thought that Burroughs-Wellcome (BW) should be giving the drug for free or some such; the company responsible for giving those with AIDS a chance (if you believe in the traditional AIDS story, that is--a blog post for another time) was wished by those it could supposedly help, to crashing down. Well, the crasher-downer-wishers sort of got their wishes when the Wellcome company, established in a trust that was supposed to last forever, was gobbled up by the greedy then-Glaxo, who then gobbled up other companies. First husband, a research graphics artist, and I used to eat at the wonderful and researcher-filled BW cafeteria for lunch; the building, probably still right there off the Durham Freeway in Research Triangle Park, was shaped like a molecule. It was also in the eighties film with Christopher Walken and Natalie Wood (she died just before the film's completion), Brainstorm. Nonetheless, BW's supposedly perpetual candle, along with its fabulous research scientists, went out quickly when its wick was trimmed by Glaxo. In the interest of full disclosure, I also worked a temporary job at Glaxo during my first semester of graduate school. It's hard to find a place filled more with true believers than Glaxo (now GlaxoSmithKline). I worked in its sales department and the poor woman that I worked for was an overworked yet gorgeous drone who didn't have time for a relationship because of her devotion to marketing Glaxo products; she and other Glaxo marketing people that I've met act as though their pharmaceutical marketing deeds are going to get them into heaven. I had never seen people like these at BW (although they may have existed), which was a much more research-oriented place to work, with a couple of really nice Nobel prize scientists on staff. Glaxo, with all its jogging trails that employees were far too busy and energy-drained to use, was a bizarre place that I really wanted to get away from. Fortunately, I did.

Nonetheless, GlaxoSmithKline, which gulped up BW as if it were a slurpee on a hot summer day, is now one of the few places profiting handsomely during this economic slump, not because of actual good, but because of the mass hysteria that the mainstream media have created. The gorgeous and freedom-loving Karen DeCoster, an excellent writer who has recently been so very kind to add me to her blog roll, has figured this whole swine flu thing out as well. Karen spends her time reading and thinking instead of watching Oprah and Dr. Phil attempt to solve the world's problems, one Jerry Springer victim at a time. People like Karen, who see through the mass hysteria, remind me that not everyone who has been government-school indoctrinated must remain so forever.

And so, here at the Gingerbread House, we'll use a lot of common sense and try to keep our immune systems strong; but we won't be taking the drug-company flu elixir, no matter what Emperor O. and his minions tell us.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

The Government Hates Competition

Really, it does. And that fact is one reason that I really dislike (read: hate) it when the government tries to eliminate its competition by using the laws that the elite have put into place to squelch any and every bit of competition anywhere, even if it's in a rural county in North Carolina. It also dislikes people who make a lot of money without reporting it to the IRS. Oh, how it does hate that kind of thing. I, on the other hand, believe in freedom, freedom to do what you damn well please if it doesn't hurt anyone else. Ah, says the government, but everything that you do can hurt someone else. Thus, when I flush with more than a 1.6 liter toilet--which can take up to three or four flushes to equal one 1.6 liter toilet---I have used your drinking water for a whole day or some such silly equivalent that the government uses to create some kind of water crisis, which is really about the government's taking more control of our lives. That's how government logic goes. Now, we crazy free market types believe that consumers and people in general, if given the chance truly to be free, would make some pretty darn good decisions. And would compensate the folks they'd actually hurt. Therefore, if, say, a father were to create a media hoax in which his son was reported floating in a Jiffy Pop looking container in the air and military helicopters were used to find said child, the father's hoax would not land him in jail. Rather, it would land him with a bill for all rescue personnel. And he would have to pay. Oh, but this kind of thinking is so very Old Testament to those who pray to land as many people as possible in the hoosegaw.

Thus, we sheeple should stop watching American Idol for a week and truly celebrate the arrest of people such as Roger Lee Nance of Wilkesboro; I have no idea of the true character of this man. For all I know, he may be a mean old hermit. But I do fully support his choice and business of making liquor. In North Carolina, where the government has such a monopoly on liquor that it is only sold in state-certified liquor emporiums, also known as ABC stores, it is easy to see why NC ALE czar John Ledford would brag about his find of a moonshine still on private property. In fact, Czar Ledford tows the statist line on alcohol, while bragging on his contribution to the state's ample coffers:

"This is one of the biggest seizures of white liquor I've seen come out of the mountains in my career," ALE Director John Ledford said in a press release. "I commend the agents who were able to make this arrest. While tax-paid liquor is regulated and inspected, illegal distilleries are typically made in unhealthy conditions that could possibly cause exposure to lead and other problems."

Really, Czar John, if all you have to worry about is lead when you think of liquor, my guess is that you skipped school during the many years that the ridiculous D.A.R.E. program to resist drugs and alcohol was foisted on North Carolina high school students. This bizarre program is probably still distributing pro-state propaganda, perhaps even under the same name. Some of us have had rougher experiences with liquor and honestly, lead poisoning from a private liquor still is not something I'd worry my statist little head about, if I were you, John. In fact, I'm guessing that you say the same thing about milk--trying to protect us supposed idiots from making decision based on our own good sense--being that raw cow's milk, a.k.a. country milk, which most of your ancestors grew up drinking, is probably given the same bizarre treatment; it is just as illegal to sell in North Carolina as non-state-approved liquor is. Here's a free market lesson for Czar John: Whether you're a dairy farmer or a moonshiner, you're not going to survive for long if you don't have clean, lead-free facilities. When I was growing up, we bought country milk from Mr. and Mrs. Burcham, a sweet Christian couple who ran an immaculate farm and house a mile or so from the house where I grew up. Your statist compadres, Czar John, would do the same thing to Mr. and Mrs. Burcham--were their sweet and pure hearts still beating--arresting them for selling the milk that God gave us to drink. The milk industry lobby in N.C. has made sure that your buddies have provided as little competition as possible for their shady corporate butts.

And then there's this little item, from a Raleigh lawyer who made the huge mistake of keeping cash in his home, or rather, of depositing in a bank. Or something. Surely, there's something real here that the feds are charging him with. When he tried to place his legally obtained and taxes-already-paid-on cash in a supposedly safer place, he was arrested for trying to evade a ridiculous law that says to look upon any large deposits as suspicious. Or something. It's really hard to tell what the feds are so pissed about here, unless it's that Gaskins has not spent his professional life kissing the ground that the Raleigh tax-feeders walk on. So, trying to evade a stupid law that lets the government put its hands into your pockets when it has no business is a crime, especially if the feds want it to be. Note that it is not a trivial crime. In fact, it is a crime that can punish a lawyer who's worked hard all his life by sending him to jail for all his retirement. This kind of thing is exactly why I'm not moving back to North Carolina right now. I'm not saying government extortion doesn't happen in California, but somehow, it's really hard to see it in a place where I used to live as a more or less free human.

Evidently, I'm not the only person who sees through this federal judicial travesty.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Okay, So Where's the Contest for Best Pissed-Off Adoptee Blog?!?

I've really seen it all now. Adopters praising themselves and each other for gorgeously-written blogs that sing the praise of adoption. I'm not sure who's behind this contest and I'm not sure that I want to find out. But it does scare me that so many well-educated and well-written adopters are throwing around their weight on the Internet. Although they have every right to do so, and I totally support their freedom to do so, it really bothers me that there's no "Best Pissed-Off Adoptee Blog" contest or some such. Surely, I'd be a finalist in that contest.

Probably the biggest qualm I have with this contest, and with the bloggers who populate it, is that these bloggers have the gall, of course, to call themselves "parents" of the children they've adopted. Having said that, at least one of these bloggers recognizes her adoptee's real mom as the child's "first mother." There's something good to be said for that. Still, it really bothers me that so many white middle-class women (and make no mistake--most of the people who take other people's children and pretend those children are theirs are white and middle or upper-middle class) are feeling okay with pretending to be parents of other people's children. I guess these white women somehow feel they are contributing to society by taking the children of others, especially if those children look so different from them that people know the adults are adopters. Adoption has such a wonderful propaganda campaign going on these days that adopters are looked upon as wonderful and loving self-sacrificers, even as they call themselves the moms and dads of children that someone else bore.

Please let me say here that my own adopters were good folks and I still miss them, even though they have been dead for a few years. I am extremely thankful to have grown up in the community that I did, where people are basically honest and loving and everybody cares, but not in an Obama-Clinton-it-takes-a-village-of-government kind of way. So, in that sense, things have really worked out well for me. Things could have been a lot worse and I have heard many horror stories from adoptees. Most adopters who read my writing are just sure that I must have been beaten every day by my adopters in order to hate adoption as much as I do. There are people who've made rape into a positive experience as well, but this doesn't mean that those people desire for others to be raped. Separting a child from its mother and giving it to strangers is a horrid thing, for mother and child. Desiring for another mother to lose her child to adoption is bizarre indeed, but many white middle-class adopters-to-be are betting on it.

The blogs in the "Best Adoption Blog" contest perpetuate the myth that overall, no matter how difficult adoption can be, it's okay to take a stranger's child and call it your own. And no, no matter how wonderful my childhood was, this kind of myth is not okay to perpetuate.

Many thanks to fellow adoptee Marley Greiner for passing along this link!

In Case You Think The Federal Government Has A Monopoly On The Ridiculous

My sons and I take a LOT of classes at a local city recreation center about 30 minutes from our house. This quarter's session, for example, we spent close to $1,000 for art and dance classes (thank goodness for my proposal money!), with some absolutely wonderful instructors. The boys' clay class instructor, for instance, is a brilliant artist who displays his own work; he, like the other teachers we've encountered, is also a nice guy. After spending well over $900 for classes, I placed two checks under the door of the administrative offices for two more classes. Students are supposed to be registered, for insurance purposes, for classes before attending them. I wasn't sure, because of soccer schedules, etc., if I could take the extra two classes before I actually signed up for them. Because we're often there after the office is closed, I placed the checks under the door after hours. Yesterday, I received the uncashed checks, returned to me by U.S. mail, with this note in all caps:

ENROLLMENT FOR THIS CLASS ENDED 10/01/09. OUR NEXT SESSION WILL BE IN JANUARY 2010. RECREATION GUIDES SHOULD BE AVAILABLE IN MID NOVEMBER.

Now, I'd heard that one mother had taken her child to a dance class with openings, left the child while she went to register, and the tax-feeders in the office would not allow her to register because it was past the deadline. Therefore, she had to go back to the class, taking her then-crying daughter out of the class for the quarter. But only when I saw the two ridiculous sentences in all caps, directed specifically at me, did I realize that local government and its tax-feeding minions can be just as, or perhaps even more, ridiculous than their federal counterparts. This particular city seems to want to miss out on revenue. It didn't matter to the tax-feeders that a little girl, who could have been easily added, was crying because the office had a rule that registration ended on October 1st, with no exceptions, even for classes in which the instructor approved the add and there were slots open. Nor did it matter to the tax-feeders that they were losing out on money. People come from all over to take these classes and one woman who works during the day and drives from quite far to attend her adult dance class was not allowed to mail in her registration, as she usually does. This quarter, the rules changed and anyone outside the city limits must now register online. Yes, these tax-feeders not only wish to stop revenue from coming in, but they also desire to cut down on the work of processing a few people's applications, forcing people outside of their city limits to register online, an arduous process that I couldn't get to work correctly.

So, this particular city's gatekeepers at the recreation center are just following orders and not common sense. It's rare when I make a comparison that makes the North Carolina state government look good, but I'll have to say that even at NCSU, where I both attended many classes and taught, there was a way of adding or dropping a class later than normally allowed. Sure, you had to obtain signatures from people, which was a pain, but it could be done. Nonetheless, the folks at this city's recreation center, which offers classes with no grades, seem too lazy to take in extra revenue when they could easily do so. Their excuse? From what I've heard, it's that their "books are closed," whatever that means. Unfortunately, with the Internet as what they seem to tout for registration, that excuse is ludicrous. In case you're thinking that what I've told you so far is ridiculous, here's the clincher. I actually received this note as well:

PLEASE DO NOT LEAVE ANYTHING UNDER THE OFFICE DOOR--IT CAN CAUSE POSSIBLE INJURY TO STAFF--OUR BUSINESS HRS ARE LISTED ON THE FRONT DOOR. THANK YOU


I guess somebody could have received a paper cut while picking up the paper that I slid under the door. And in these days of celebration of the victim mentality, I suppose that counts as an injury. However, in my many years in the shady corporate world, I have placed many notes under doors. I've yet to hear of anyone that I've injured.

Friday, October 9, 2009

Emperor O. Wins WHAT?

I nearly fell out of my pink room chair this morning when I read that Emperor O., who has continued King Jorge's killing escapades in foreign countries, with absolutely no sign of stopping, is receiving the Nobel Peace Prize, supposedly because of his initiatives "to build momentum behind his initiatives to reduce nuclear arms, ease tensions with the Muslim world and stress diplomacy and cooperation rather than unilateralism." I guess those killed by his warmongering policies, which closely resemble the policies of his white predecessor, are not really factored in to the Nobel Peace Prize equation. Funny how, when I mentioned I was reading this story to my eight-year-old, he immediately said, "How can Obama win a peace prize when he's trying to start a war in Iran?" Well, I'm quite proud that my young son can figure out something that a lot of 60-year-olds seem to have trouble seeing. The Obamatrons, blinded by their worship, will take this elite-sponsored prize winning as an example of just how wonderful Savior O. actually is. And of course, no one will claim that King Jorge should also receive said prize, being that he was just as much of a warmonger as Emperor O. Dare I even ask why Ron Paul, who advocates the United States' getting the hell out of every country that we occupy, did not even receive a mention in this sweepstakes? Perhaps it is indeed like the Publisher's Clearinghouse Sweepstakes and the winner was chosen by random. Whatever the case, I'm really glad that my eight-year-old already has it figured out.